hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
