things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
