You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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