how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
