I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
