I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
