i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize