Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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