i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
