it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
