You smell like stripper and shame
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize