That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just gargled with NyQuil
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize