my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
