mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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