i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
