DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
