He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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