sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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