You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
