He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
