i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
