he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A+ Viking dick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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