The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
