and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize