can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize