apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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