I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
