There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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