On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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