Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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