yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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