You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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