she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
