I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
