The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
And then he peed in my hair
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