i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
even my farts smell like vagina
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
