What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
