hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
