I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I want is dick and wine.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
