Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
