Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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