The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
