so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
then he tried to convert me to islam
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
