Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
