Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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