I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
