How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
