The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
