You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
