It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
