Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
