Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Come see our sink grown plant.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
