why didn't you poke me back
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize