WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
