i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
