Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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