Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize