I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
