you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
