I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
