and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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