I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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