Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize