saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
