if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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