so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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