Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Congratulations! We have a period
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