evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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