i just google imaged poop.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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