ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
