ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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