She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
