i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
