First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
