Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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