We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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