Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
