We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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