she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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