BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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