He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
