i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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