We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
