Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
