I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
