Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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