Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
