I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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