Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
