A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
