There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
