Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
