why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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