I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
