im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
