Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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